Sir: Sam Neill   Andrew:  Robin Williams

• surprise.wav -- Sir: Come on, you guys, I've got a surprise for you! (22k)

 
• family.wav -- Andrew: Are you one's family?

Sir: Well, um, I guess so. (67k)
 
• whynot.wav -- Sir: Well, why not? (9k)

 
• dontever.wav -- Sir: Don't ever do that again. (12k)

 
• goodnight.wav -- Sir: Good night, Andrew.

Andrew: It certainly is, Sir.
Sir: No. No, Andrew. The--the correct response to "good night" is "good night."
Andrew: Good night.
Sir: Yes.
Andrew: You just said "yes."
Sir: Yes.
Andrew: But the correct response to "good night" is "good night.'
Sir: Goodnight, Andrew.
Andrew: Good night, Sir. (243k)
 
• verygood.wav -- Sir: This is... very good. (14k)

 
• hearsomething.wav -- Sir: Did you hear something? (9k)

 
• property.wav -- Sir: Andrew is not a person, he's a form of property.

Andrew: One is not a per-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr. <Sir hits Andrew to reset him.>
Sir: Property is also important. So from now on, as a matter of principle, in this family, Andrew will be treated as if he were a person.Which means there will be no more attempts to break him. (240k)
 
• characteristics.wav -- Sir: He shows a number of characteristics like creativity, curiosity, friendship that, uh, frankly, have taken us by surprise. (108k)

 
• showyou.wav -- Sir: Now I'd like ot show you something if I may. (20k)

 
• worksofart.wav -- Sir: These are original works of art. (24k)

 
• dontunderstand.wav -- Sir: I don't think I understand. (15k)

 
• wereleaving.wav -- Sir: We're leaving. (8k)

 
• individuality.wav -- Sir: There is no price for individuality. (27k)

 
• cutback.wav -- Sir: You will cut back on your workload; you can no longer devote yourself entirely to children and housework. (70k)

 
• unique.wav -- Sir: You're unique. (11k)

 
• responsibility.wav -- Sir: I feel a responsibility to help you become whatever you're able to be. (45k)

 
• factsoflife.wav -- Andrew: People actually do this, Sir?

Sir: Well, yes.
Andrew: And married people, one supposes they see it as some kind of requirement or obligation.
Sir: Well, it <clears throat> it's not exactly an obligation, Andrew.
Andrew: That's a relief.
Sir: And is the natural and preferable way to conceive children.
Andrew: Sir, of all these millions of sperm, only one makes it?
Sir: That's true.
Andrew: What happens to the others?
Sir: Well, they die.
Andrew: They die? One feels badly for them.
Sir: Well, one does. But it's completely agreed that it feels good.
Andrew: For both parties, Sir?
Sir: In an ideal world. So people do it rather frequently.
Andrew: How often, Sir?
Sir: Well, as often as they can, matter of fact.
Andrew: Ah.
Sir: At least at first. (665k)
 
• humour.wav -- Sir: It's called humour. (11k)

 
• simpler.wav -- Sir: Let's try something simpler. (11k)

 
• knockknock.wav -- Sir: Knock, knock.

Andrew: Knock, knock?
Sir: No, knock, knock, knock; someone's at the door.
Andrew: Shall one get it, Sir?
Sir: No, no, no. You say "who's there," Andrew.
Andrew: Who's there, Andrew?
Sir: No, just "who's there?"
Andrew: One does not know, Sir. (182k)
 
• chicken.wav -- Sir: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Andrew: One does not know, Sir. Possibly a predator was behind the chicken, or possibly there was a female chicken on the other side of the road if it was a male chicken; possibly a food source, or, depending on the season, it might be migrating. One hopes there's no traffic.
Sir: To get to the other side.
Andrew: "To get to the other side." Ah. Why is that funny? (284k)
 
• timing.wav -- Sir: Andrew, it was-- it was fine. But we might want to talk about appropriateness and, um, and timing.

Andrew: It's 10:15, Sir. <the family laughs> (129k)
 
• phase.wav -- Sir: I'm kind of hoping it's a phase that'll pass. (25k)

 
• sweetheart.wav -- Sir: Sweetheart. (13k)

 
• machine.wav -- Sir: You can't invest your emotions in a machine. (33k)

 
• legal.wav -- Sir: Would that be legal? (9k)

 
• mylawyer.wav -- Sir: My lawyer will be happy to sue you. (28k)

 
• rivet.wav -- Andrew: It is understood that you will attempt to rivet one.

Sir: Screw, Andrew.
Andrew: Really? (62k)
 
• looksharp.wav -- Sir: You look very sharp this evening. (15k)

 
• wedding.wav -- Sir: It was a wonderful wedding, wasn't it? (18k)

 
• recordday.wav -- Sir: Did you record the day? (14k)

 
• watchit.wav -- Sir: Well, let's watch it, shall we? (15k)

 
• thingschange.wav -- Sir: Things change. Things always change. People move on. It's as it should be. (75k)

 
• missing.wav -- Sir: I'll never stop missing them. (19k)

 
• oneis.wav -- Andrew: One is still here.

Sir: And one is glad of that, Andrew. Thank you. (85k)
 
• wanttoleave.wav -- Sir: You want to leave. That's what this is about, isn't it? (31k)

 
• whyask.wav -- Sir: Why ask for this? (15k)

 
• yourein.wav -- Sir: You're in on this. (10k)

 
• free.wav -- Sir: You are free now. (15k)

 
• leavehouse.wav -- Sir: I must ask you to leave this house. (22k)

 
• freedom.wav -- Sir: You wished for freedom. You must accept the consequences. (33k)

 
• command.wav -- Sir: I command nothing. You're free. (49k)

 
• dying.wav -- Andrew: How are you, Sir?

Sir: Well, I'm dying, Andrew. Otherwise, I'm fine. (97k)
 
• wrong.wav -- Sir: I wanted to tell you that I was wrong.

Andrew: You're never wrong, Sir.
Sir: Then don't contradict me.  (104k)
 
• glad.wav -- Sir: You were right to want your freedom and I'm glad that you have it. (65k)

 
• verygoodtous.wav -- Sir: You were very good to us.

Andrew: It was an honor serving you, Sir. (64k)